The Inner Ring

                This article was particularly insightful to me.  This subject has been something I have struggled with all my life and I think that it is something we all must consider.

                What first caught my attention in this essay is that C.S. Lewis differentiates between friendship and an inner circle.  These terms are usually used somewhat interchangeably in our culture, however, Lewis describes a key difference: in a friendship you feel secure and accepted without having to try while in an inner circle it is a constant for getting into the circle, maintaining your spot in the circle, and excluding others from the circle.  I thought this was so relevant because almost everyone I know has been in some way or another in an inner circle and a friendship. 

                In my experience, it’s hard to resist the temptation to feel accepted at any cost.  It is part of our human nature to see acceptance.  I believe that God gives us the desire to be accepted which we try to fill with acceptance from other people when it should really be filled with a search for acceptance from God.  However, when we don’t feel content with our relationship with God, we look anywhere else to fulfill this gap. Friendships don’t come easy and we can often become unsatisfied with our friendships when wooed by people who have more social power.  The urge to become more socially influential can overcome our appreciation for our real friendships.  Then we start to try to fit in with these more important groups however this leads to a cycle because there is always a more important inner circle to be in.  No one can feel completely accepted.  We are all outsiders to some groups.  I think the main flaw in our society is that we don’t think this is ok.  We are constantly fighting in the losing battle for acceptance.  Lewis beautiful describes this by saying, “the circle cannot have from within the charm it had from outside.  By the very act of admitting you it has lost its magic”.  He also explains this in the metaphor of inner circles being like an onion and when you get to the middle there is no fulfillment, nothing remains.  I think it is important to realize that the acceptance we are searching for is only an allusion.   Not only are these inner circle relationships unfulfilling but also unsustainable.  There is always another circle to be accepted into, but also we aren’t finding quality friends.  C.S. Lewis describes the lack of satisfaction without surprise he says, “Once the first novelty is worn off, the members of this circle will be no more interesting than your old friends.  Why should they be?  You were not looking for virtue or kindness or loyalty or humour or learning or wit or any of the things that can really be enjoyed.  You merely wanted to be ‘in’”. 

                Inner circles are so harmful though not because they are unsustainable and unsatisfying but because of the extreme lengths that people will go to fit in.  Getting into a new inner circle usually means deserting your previous circle of friends.  This is very mild on the spectrum of things people will do to fit in.  Some inner circles demand much more.  C.S. Lewis describes a situation in which a businessman slowly gives more and more time into his work in hopes of moving up in the company as his life soon becomes absorbed with work.  In the most extreme cases such as entry into the most hardcore gangs, crimes may be committed just to feel accepted.  Someone once told me of a song by Immortal Technique called “Dance with the Devil”, which described the horrible consequences that can occur when making money, acceptance, and power the most important things in one’s life. 

                Therefore not only are we not content in the inner circle, we usually end up hurting others on the way to being in the group we also exclude others to maintain our spot in the group.  Lewis rights that “exclusion is no accident; it is the essence”.  In an inner group everyone is jockeying for power, for a better spot in the group.   To do this we tend to put others in the group down to make ourselves look better.  Therefore not only are we putting down others in the inner circles that are less powerful; we are also excluding others from joining the group.  Since it was so hard for us to get accepted we think it must be hard for the next person as well.  This creates an ongoing process of dissatisfaction and betrayal. 

                Being aware of the effects of inner circles is very important for us as Christians.  We must  make a conscious effort to not fall into the trap of looking for most for acceptance and power.  We must look to God to fulfill us and accept us.  I think we would live in a much different world if we focused more on pleasing God rather than our peers.